My Year of Rest, Recreation, and Hibernation
Confessions of a recovering workaholic
A screenshot of Kourtney Kardashian saying “My vibe right now is just living life.”
I’ve never really been the type of person who is good at vacationing. This is partially because my family rarely indulged in them—instead we went on roadtrips to visit relatives in other states—so when I became a working adult I didn’t know how to effectively do it. Relaxing… at the beach? Somebody, please teach me how! Year after year I would rack up my PTO days and then waste them all at the end of the year when content couldn’t be more in demand, thus soiling my plans to go fully off the grid. (If you ever received my iconic OOO emails, you know how seriously I took that though.)
In general, I’m so conditioned to work hard and hustle that going on a holiday is a foreign concept to my brain where the wheels never stop turning. However, the pressure to constantly be “on” is not something that I have ever been interested in subscribing to. I’m proud to have a high work ethic, but that doesn’t make me a workaholic. At least, not anymore. Prior to the pandemic, I firmly believed in having a life outside of work because the “work-life balance” model is a corporate scam. If the hours that I agreed to upon committing to a full-time job were 10-6 then that was the definitive window you could reach me with absolutely no exceptions. Establishing boundaries in the workplace is so important, especially now that we are expected to clock in to a virtual office where our screen time is being monitored and evaluated.
Last month, The Atlantic published an article about how “success addicts” prioritize the pursuit of achievement above everything else. As an ambitious, career driven, and financially independent millennial woman, I have always strived for success, but I am actively redefining what my version of that looks like in a more sustainable world. The goals that I had when I was a teenager are not the same as what I want for myself now at 27. I do my best not to compare my progress to that of my peers because we all have different things that we are working toward—I have my own agenda and that’s all that matters.
A meme based on Laura Numeroff’s 1985 children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.
Way back in February, I read Otessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation for one of my book clubs. Even though the narrator is a bit out of touch (read: a wealthy white woman who is clearly unwell) and opts for an extreme approach as a personal reset, the concept of taking an extended pause from the hustle and bustle of life so to speak deeply resonated with me. Ever since I started working full-time post-grad in 2015, going on a sabbatical has been very appealing to me. In fact, it’s something that I often dream about—having the privilege to essentially do whatever you want wherever you want whenever you want for a set period of time with little to no intervention. It’s honestly a goal of mine. Whenever I’ve spoken of my desire to retire early in my thirties out loud the response is usually a big laugh followed by a painfully slow eye roll, but I honestly don’t see how wanting to enjoy the fruits of your labor before you start to rot is comical?
I remember how upset I used to get when my favorite bands or artists would announce that they were taking an indefinite hiatus, but now I completely understand why it was necessary. I don’t enjoy being in a constant state of exhaustion and anyone who has ever suffered from burnout knows where I’m coming from with this—I wasn’t equipped to handle it when I was 21-24, but now I know better. After I complete this next round of freelance assignments, I fully intended to do nothing for as long as I possibly can. I’m so close to the finish line, I can feel it in my bones… It’s not healthy to work your way through life, we need human experiences. We are literally living through a great period of unrest so catch me outside soaking up the sun somewhere in nature and streaming Okay Kaya’s Surviving Is The New Living until further notice.
Rest is a radical form of resistance and “power naps” are not enough, at least not for someone as sensitive to energy as me. You wanna talk about work? How about working… on yourself? Now that’s what I call productive! (Yes, I am aware of the concerns around self-optimized enlightenment within a “hypercompetitive, globalized economy,” but that’s a conversation for another day.) WIRED sums it up best: “There is nothing counterrevolutionary about keeping busy.”
End note: This month I published a few features that are truly some of my best work to date, I couldn’t be more proud! You can keep tabs on my latest pieces here.
Highly recommend checking out deli girls’ new album BOSS for an energy boost. It’s like shooting nootropics into your veins. Also, allow me to introduce you to BigKlit! (Mentally, I am here...) While you’re still here, make the time to read Jenny Odell’s How to Do Nothing. *If you really want to thank me for all this generosity, consider opening your purse via PayPal or Venmo since this is a free service I do for fun!